I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
