I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
