unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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