I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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