just tell him i said nine months
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
