My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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