Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
