i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
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