I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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