I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
