I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
