idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
