I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
