toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i love accidental penises.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
