The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
