The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
