ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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