Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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