You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
