I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
