Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
