If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
