Umm I'm too high to move.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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