I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
