I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
