I'm so fucking centered right now
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
