your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
