My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
