You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
