So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
