we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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