Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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