how can u be prego again
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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