I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
