How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
