i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
