i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
