Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
