I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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