The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
