We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
