dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
