I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My breasts were aching with rage.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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