Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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