Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
