your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
