Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
