I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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