So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
