so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
