Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
