So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
