why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So here I am, sexting at work.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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